I want to share this because I believe in an outreach to others in similar circumstances .
As another year turns, there’s a niggle in my guts. It hasn’t reared for some time, in fact I thought it may have disintegrated with time.
I open the Pandora’s box of mixed feelings and emotions held closely within to discover some fairly raw, gritty things going on.
I guess the best thing to do is face the resistance and leap at the opportunity to transform and empower myself.
Before continuing, I must add that I am fortunate to have met and respect my birth mother, met my grandmother and other members of the family on my Polynesian side. Of late I had a wonderful reunion with two of my brothers. I believe that both my mothers are from the same tree, so to speak. That they had my best interests at heart from the very beginning of time.
In retrospect, one of my choices in life was to have a large family so that I could create the warmth and love that I knew was possible to have as a mother.
So back to the box!
There’s a sense of loss, that as I get older the chances of my ever meeting my biological father becomes less and less.
There’s also a sense of frustration with the little amount of information and not knowing.
I’ve rationalized with myself over the years and have come to accept certain points of view. I’d like to know my fathers gifts and flaws, or any genetic history, health issues, traits and behavioural patterns.
I’d like to one day meet him, for myself and my seven children and currently, seventeen grandchildren.
It may be possible he has no knowledge of my existence or could he also wonder the same about me?
I admit that I churned for years as a child and adolescent in the yearning to know more of who this mysterious man is.
Ironically I wrote an e-book on the principles of thoughts, feeling and emotional effects within the womb. It was a great personal journey of self-discovery and realisation.
Quite frankly, there’s been some wonderful and amazing things that have happened during my life, If it hadn’t been the fact of growing up in another family unit, then I wouldn’t have had all my experiences to get me to where I am. There have been many people that I have had the privilege of meeting that are adopted as well, including my younger brother. I’ve enjoyed the stories and there’s a kind of immediate comradeship when I connect with someone of similar circumstances.
Over time, I’ve met some wonderful women, that have made early decisions in their life and given a child up for adoption. Hearing their stories, some of re-connection and the relationships they’ve built gives me a mother’s perspective. They have shared the difficulties associated in their circumstances relating to giving their child away. In fact it presents an array of response to each of us on how we deal with adoption.
This is how I worked through the feelings
I centre myself within my heart chakra and go deep. This time, much deeper because I need to find the root of my tree where the initial seed was planted.
From here I can also view through the eyes of my ancestors and when I go higher I have the Creators perspective and understanding.
This is my personal Prayer.
Divine Spirit, Mother, Father God – I give thanks for my life.
I acknowledge those that have gone before me and those that walk the earth alongside me.
It is in this moment that I ask to be reminded of your love and support.
That with the air I breathe, the water I drink, from the earth I replenish and the wind that blows across the land.
We are all connected through time and space. We are all One.
That through your grace we feel the presence of all creation surround and fill my body with the all-knowing love
of our Father.
Divine Spirit, may your light shine down upon me and fill my being with the understanding of a mothers and fathers love.
That any feelings of loss or frustration be transformed to a greater sense of wisdom gained and trust in a higher truth.
That my torch be ignited with the flame of an ever-lasting love
It is often difficult to face the resistance but in doing so we can be assured that if we embrace all of who we are there is a pathway which leads us back to the conscious self.
This is from The Sacred Journey – A mindful shift to authenticity.
The altered state is to have awareness that a greater part of us is connected to the universe.
That we are essentially all sparks of God.
“He iwi katoa kotahi tatou – We are all one people.”
May you have happiness and joy,